jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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