Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
