I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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