you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
