Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
