So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I will be naked everywhere
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
