what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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