I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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