Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
try to milk me bitch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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