You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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