Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
