i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
