I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm like, not good at living.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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