Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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