Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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