Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
