I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
