And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
