your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
