On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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