the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
