The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
