I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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