Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
