He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
