xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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