I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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