What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
