Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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