I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
