Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
