i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
