Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
