im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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