If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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