Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
