this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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