It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
