He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
