Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
