new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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