How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
