Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
