she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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