There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
