my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize