I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
