I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
