fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize