I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
