you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
