Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
