Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
