i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
