i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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