before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
