C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
