I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
