remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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