Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
