you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
