you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
