Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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