He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
