I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
