When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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