do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
