dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
