If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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