So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
